Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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