I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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