How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
