did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
