And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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