I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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