I'm going to jail i love you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
