I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i've created a new STD.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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