Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
