wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
