I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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