Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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