we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
