Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
