i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
