I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
