the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize