I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize