He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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