party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
4 words: hood of his car
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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