i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
