The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
only if we run a train.
done.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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