We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
