we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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