2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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