You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
