Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
