My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
