About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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