Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Blood and glitter go together right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
