my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
