her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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