I need to stop coming to work sober
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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