I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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