she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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