Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
