I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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