I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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