If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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