Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
