i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
BRING THE BAGELS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
