sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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