Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
