Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
