IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
