So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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