First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
