when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
