1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
