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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
