His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
