I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
