Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
