I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
