I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
