you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
