is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry about my life...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
