my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
