I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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