okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
