dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't make out with my wife yet
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
