His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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