Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm always down for nudity.
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