fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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