Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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