the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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