Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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