We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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