Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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