I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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