I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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