how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im drinking this country out of the recession.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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