The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
